Style:    Language:

Author Topic: The Life Story of Lestat, Part I: His Birth  (Read 867 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline mustapha08

  • Settler
  • Posts: 6
The Life Story of Lestat, Part I: His Birth
« on: October 12, 2012, 08:01:33 PM »
(Since Lestat tells almost nothing about himself, including his real identity, I have conducted some research and pulled together the parts of Lestat's life story).

Part I:  His Birth

The night was crystal clear on a March evening in 1965.  There was a three-quarter moon reflecting bright light off the desert sand.  On the hills near Shiraz, Iran, three nomads were trotting through the desert on camelback.  Their names were Farooq, Mustapha and Omar.  Out of the corner of Omar’s eye, he glimpsed the flash of a comet streaking through the sky.   He followed the comet as it approached the three-quarter moon, its  round shape looking like a big ass.  All of a sudden the comet entered the moon, its trail looking like a dick fucking an ass.  It was a cosmic miracle.  Farooq saw this and almost fell off his camel:  “It’s the prophesy!!!”  Mustapha gasped “Allah Akhbar!!!”   Omar, staring at the stars in amazement, proclaimed the Gayssiah is coming.

Halfway across the world in a mountain shrine of Tibet, a Buddhist monk named Narayan awoke from a dream:  “It is time.  The Gayssiah is coming.”

Cetina was having dinner with her husband Agoston, who was of Hungarian descent.  They lived in a nice single family home on the outskirts of Zagreb, Croatia.  Cetina and Agoston were talking about Tito and his economic reforms.  All of a sudden Cetina experienced a striking pain in her stomach.  She cried “Agoston I have to take a shit.”  She rushed to the toilet to relieve herself.  To her shock, out of her ass came a little baby boy.  She did not even know she was expecting a child, as her husband only took her from behind.

Narayan was deep in meditation.  But the vision came to him as if he were in Cetina’s bathroom.  “A baby was delivered through his mother’s ass in Zagreb.  It is a miracle.”  The Gayssiah has arrived.

There was not much written history of the Gayssiah prophecy.  Omar, the son of the prophet Mahmoud, who inherited centuries of ancient lore through a great line of clerics, knew the most of the Gayssiah prophecy.  Sitting around a campfire that night, he told Mustpha and Farooq the details of the magnificent Gayssiah.  “The Gayssiah has been foretold since the days of Muhammad and Christ.  He will be born out of his mother’s asshole on the night a comet penetrates the moon.  He will call everyone he knows gay, and enlist them into a great army of gays.  He will  lead the gays to glory for 1,000 years and make all the gays kings.  He will be very bad at military strategy (especially video games) and watch fetish porn.  Most importantly, he will name himself after a gay literary character, not realizing he named himself after a gay.”

And so Lestat was born.

Offline Bantams

  • Maceman
  • ******
  • Posts: 571
  • Gender: Male
Re: The Life Story of Lestat, Part I: His Birth
« Reply #1 on: October 13, 2012, 08:15:37 AM »
 :bow:  lmfao now stfu

Offline TheWayIAre

  • Settler
  • Posts: 17
  • CP Member
Re: The Life Story of Lestat, Part I: His Birth
« Reply #2 on: September 02, 2013, 04:27:22 PM »
another stupid post